When I first started drafting this blog post, it was all about the virtues of the turtleneck sweater. The plan was to demonstrate how this humble grade-schoolers’ base layer mixes perfectly with your grown-up wardrobe. The post was born out of a fixation with my rapidly-sagging neck. I affectionately refer to it as my crepey neck, ropey neck or turkey neck. Although paranormal dating site, this is one area I’m not ready for.
My original idea was to show how if you were the least bit self-conscious about your aging neck, then a turtleneck can be a game-changer. I intended to show how you could style them under dresses, blouses and even a lacey camisole. Then an unexpected thing happened. I went out and bought one only to realize I forgot how much I HATE turtlenecks. I hadn’t worn one since the sixth grade for a reason. Given the very practical solution they presented to my problem I thought I could get past it, but no.
There’s a Reason They’re Called Sweaters
I’ll admit, sweaters, in general, do not appeal to me. Although I quite like how others look in their cozy knitwear, I’m not crazy about how they look or feel on me. I have an aversion to the bulky, hot, itchy, weighty, chokey and claustrophobic sensations that occur when I’m wearing a sweater. Turtlenecks have to be the worst of these winter woolly offenders.
Turtlenecks are one of those things I wore quite often in my youth which may be one of the reasons I can’t bear to wear them now. I even owned a few of those turtleneck collars without the rest of the sweater. We called them “dickies”. I’m not sure who came up with that term, but I’ll bet it was the last item of clothing they were ever allowed to name.
There are some trends from my youth I happily embrace again. Helloooo, shoulder pad and culottes! Show me a turtleneck, corduroy or neon however, and I’m gone faster than you can say, “Wake me up before you go go”. But I digress…
With turtlenecks no longer on the table, I was left searching for other ways to camouflage my wrinkly bits. Here’s what I came up using items I already had in my closet.
Distract and Divert
Anytime there’s part of your body you wish to divert attention away from, use a more favourable part as a distraction. For example, if you have a disproportionately large upper body, wear a patterned or brighter/lighter pant or skirt. The eye moves towards your lower half, and the print or colour minimizes the size discrepancy. In the case of a crepey turkey neck, when you paint on a bold lip colour and don a statement necklace, the eye is drawn to your pretty pout or distracted by the bling thereby overlooking the less-lovely part. Turn up the collar on your button down for additional coverage.
Go ahead and proudly put on a turtleneck if that’s what floats your boat. A scarf does the trick for me. This leopard print one had me channelling my inner Debra Harry. It’s lightweight so it won’t be too hot to wear indoors and doesn’t make it obvious I’ve got something to hide.
The Triple Threat
Anyone who tries to take away my faux fur vest will have to pry it out of my cold dead hands. You’ve already seen it in several of my other posts. Up until now, I’ve worn this vest for warmth, as another layer of texture, and as a completer piece. Recently I discovered the high collar on my beloved topper makes it perfect for concealing you-know-what. Add a necklace and a painted lip and voila!
Avoiding/Correcting Turkey Neck
I have been researching ways to turn back the time on turkey neck. Let me tell you, there are some interesting exercises on YouTube. I’ve also started using a neck serum which I will be reviewing in a few weeks. I will never forgive the females in my family for failing to tell me when I was younger to moisturize and take care of the delicate skin around my neck. On top of that, I learned recently that “tech neck” is a “thing”. It’s not just an ache at the base of your skull but is also responsible for deep lines around your throat. My fellow bloggers/Facebookers/Instagrammers/Snapchatters and anyone else who looks down at a screen for hours a day, don’t say I didn’t warn ya.
I hope I didn’t ruffle any feathers with my turkey neck confession and FYI no turkeys or turtles were hurt in the production of this blog post.
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