What Do You Want People to Know About You — Before You Say a Word?

One exercise. Three words. A completely different relationship with your wardrobe.

The exercise that changes everything

When I start working with a new client, one of the first things I ask is this:

If you walked into a room full of strangers, what three things would you want them to know about you before you’ve said a word?

It sounds simple. It rarely is.

Most women pause. Some laugh nervously. A few have never been asked to put it into words before. They know the feeling they’re going for — that sense of landing when they walk into a room — but naming it is something else.

Common answers: She’s confident. She’s creative. She’s got it together. She’s approachable but not a pushover. She’s someone worth paying attention to.

Whatever those words are — those are your message. And your clothes are already delivering a message whether you’ve written it or not.

You’re always communicating. The question is what.

We form impressions of other people within milliseconds of seeing them. Research from Princeton University found that judgements about trustworthiness are made in as little as one-tenth of a second — before the conscious mind has even engaged. (1). Willis, J. & Todorov, A. (2006).

Clothing, researchers have noted, is among the first and most durable cues in that first impression. It communicates social identity, cognitive state, status, and intent — all before a handshake. (2.) Hester, N. & Hehman, E. (2023).

This is not shallow. This is how we’re wired. And it means that every morning, you are already in communication. The only question is whether it’s intentional.

When a woman’s clothing reflects the qualities she most wants to embody — her authority, her creativity, her warmth, her precision — something shifts. She stops hoping people will ‘get’ her and starts communicating it directly. She stops performing for the room and starts occupying it.

Dressing with intention, not default

Most of us get dressed on autopilot. We reach for the familiar, the comfortable, the thing that requires the least thought at 7am. And there’s nothing wrong with ease.

But ease and intention are not the same thing. When getting dressed on autopilot becomes the norm, we gradually stop asking the question: Does this reflect who I am right now? And the gap between who we’re becoming and how we’re showing up quietly widens.

Fashion psychologist Dr Dawnn Karen describes this as the difference between ‘mood illustration dress’ — dressing to reflect how you already feel — and ‘mood enhancement dress,’ which means dressing to inhabit the energy you want to bring. The women I work with are often doing the former without realising it: dressing the mood of a woman who is uncertain, transitioning, or simply not quite yet herself. Not because that’s who they are. Because that’s who their wardrobe has been speaking for. (3). Karen, D. Mizzen+Main, From the Desk of: Enclothed Cognition, (2023).

This is where we start

“Your clothes are already speaking for you. The only question is whether they’re saying what you want them to say.”

In my work with clients, the three-word exercise is always the starting point. Not the closet. Not the budget. Not the trend report. We start with who you are and what you want to communicate. Because once that’s clear, everything else — the pieces, the palette, the edits — falls into place with surprising ease.

So I’ll ask you directly: What are your three words?

Drop your three words below, or send them directly to me. I’d love to know.

 

Sources:

(1). Willis, J. & Todorov, A. (2006). First Impressions: Making Up Your Mind After a 100-Ms Exposure to a Face. Psychological Science, 17(7), 592–598.

(2). Hester, N. & Hehman, E. (2023). Dress is a fundamental component of person perception. Personality and Social Psychology Review, 27(4), 414–433.

(3). Karen, D. (Fashion Psychologist). Mizzen+Main, From the Desk of: Enclothed Cognition, 2023.